


The Gay Chicken Debacle and Gordon’s Attendant Suffering

by Pfeldspar



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Bachelor Party, Benrey is not subtle at all, Enemies to Bros to Lovers, Gay Chicken, Gordon hangs out with the Science Team, Happy Ending, Homophobia, M/M, No Sex, Rated M for brief dick discussions, Sexual Tension, THEY DATE... that’s It. This was gonna be spicy but it’s just soft, Wedding, bi-sexual epic divorce man Gordon, fic with art, gay dares, lack of relationship negotiation, playing shitty video games, so it's less slow burn and more like Gordon standing around on fire, we know it was love at first dick slip for benrey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:46:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25658416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pfeldspar/pseuds/Pfeldspar
Summary: Let's take it from the top. Gordon Freeman is not sure if his ongoing romantic relationship with Benrey is real, it might just be that they're both taking this gay chicken one-upsmanship too far. Regardless, his wedding is tomorrow.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 59
Kudos: 458





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Art in the fic is by me. I might make a cover image later.  
> after some googling i found out black Mesa is roughly based on IRL science facilities in New Mexico so obvi Gordon and co live in driving distance. In this fic everyone magically survives canon events =)  
> (HL wiki you’re full of shit. Take a look at Gordon and tell me the mans under thirty. I mean 27??? Fuck outta here)

The Science Team had initially planned for Gordon’s bachelor party to be in a VR arcade, but Gordon pointed out that he would rather not spend his last night as a free man (As soon as they got engaged, benrey made that joke and Gordon HATES IT) having a constant series of panic attacks and flashbacks. So they decided on a club because why the fuck not? Several men between the ages of twenty and seventy getting wasted in a nightclub seems like the least weird thing in their lives. 

Gordon is twenty seven, getting married tomorrow, and something has been eating him alive. (It’s not headcrabs, he’s checked. Five times. Wait, better check once more just to be safe- ok he’s good. No flesh eating aliens on this guy). Dr. Coomer and Bubby are doing some grotesquely geriatric grinding on the dance floor and scaring away droves of young twenty-somethings. It would be hilarious and almost sweet if he could focus on anything besides The Issue right now. He doesn’t think he could talk to them about it anyways. Darnold is trying to convince the bartender to make a new recipe with a homebrew concoction he made himself (“Sir, I can’t mix anything with that. We have to abide by OSHA regulations”). Forzen is trying to create a moshpit to some Ke$ha song and failing spectacularly. The bouncers are creeping closer and closer. He’ll be kicked out within the hour. 

Gordon is happy that his friends are having fun (?) but he really needs to do something about what he’s keeping inside. The Issue. Capital T. Capital I. It’s bad. Really bad. So bad that he almost considers going back to a simulated life of fighting alien monsters at his job as the military try to kill him. Almost. 

He takes a deep breath and downs his drink. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

He decides to man up and vent to Tommy.

Tommy is swinging his feet perched atop the barstool and drinking something fruity-looking with a Black Mesa Standard Issue Silly Straw. The guy comes prepared, Gordon will give him that. 

Gordon sits next to Tommy and tries to act like a normal husband-groom on the night of his bachelor party and not an insane, broken man with horrible judgement. 

“So…I gotta level with you,” Gordon starts nervously and hand-wavingly, “You know how Benrey and I are.” 

A beat.

“You mean in love?” Tommy asks in an excited, dreamy way that can only be uttered by a 36 year old man in a perpetual propeller hat. (That’s a lie, the same tone has been used when a child asks with innocent hope and glee upon seeing a dark shadow fumbling in the dark on Christmas Eve ‘Santa Claus?’ until the figure turns out to be their drunk uncle pissing on the tree). The Issue is that drunken uncle. 

Gordon makes an abortive sound, “Wh- Yeah- Um. The thing is,” He leans close, eyes darting back and forth as if Benrey was lurking somewhere and could hear him. Who knows, maybe he could. Gordon doesn’t know anymore. “I didn’t think things would go this far. I- I mean, I was under the impression that him and I have been playing gay chicken ever since the Resonance Cascade.” He confesses.

Tommy gives him a blank stare.

“Like,” He puts on his best monotone Benrey voice, “ ‘haha yo bro you should kiss me. You won’t? That must mean you’re gay and have feelings for me. If you’re not and you don’t, then prove it by kissing me. A straight guy wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. You must be really lusting for my dong if you get this flustered just giving a guy a kiss.’ And- And you know how it goes, then you keep one-upping each other and it’s just a normal dude thing, and then you wind up kind of dating but he kind of proposed to me and I couldn’t back down now so I said yes, and he’s horrible but I might actually be in love with him? And I don’t know if he’s actually taking this seriously or not?” 

Tommy produces a repeat performance of his previous blank stare. Bravo, Tommy. Bravo. 

“Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you hear me?”

“ I did, but wouldn’t the term ‘gay roosters’ be more appropriate than ‘gay chicken’, Mr. Freeman?”

Gordon decides to get horribly, horribly wasted on the night of his bachelor party. This will turn out to be the least of his mistakes, all things considered. 

-

It began shortly after the fallout of the Resonance Cascade. Gordon wearily slumped down by the wayward pile of limbs that was the Science Team readying themselves for a night of rest. As per Dr. Coomer’s request, Gordon tells them a story about Wikipedia and despite the story being interrupted by Gordon shooting a skeleton, they all fell asleep. Bubby’s snoring was deafening. 

Gordon sighs and makes his way outside for some much needed alone time, leaning against the charred remains of the blast doors and silently watching the launch site. Rain is steadily beating against the hulking metal exterior of Black Mesa. It looms behind him as menacingly as a research facility can. At least whoever designed the labyrinth of test chambers thought to make a metallic overhang so that sad, lonely scientists can sulk outside the missle silo in the rain yet remain dry. 

He has no idea what his life had become or what his life was going to be like from here on out. He still feels antsy. Like he can’t turn off the adrenaline from his constant state of fight-or-flight. He raps his knuckles against the metal wall.

The pressure is bearing down on him, it is all too much. God damn it. Gordon is not crying. He is not. (He is. He totally is. His eyes are burning, tears threatening to spill over).

“What up, gamer?” Gordon jumps with a start to see Benrey peeking at him through the blast door windows

“Jesus, man! Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

Benrey clips through the structure to stand at Gordon’s side.

“Wh- how did y- you know what? Never mind.” He hastily wipes his face and hopes Benrey doesn’t notice.

“Yo, this dude is out here crying in the rain” Benrey says but has the decency to look a little guilty after realizing that what he said would be considered a certified dick move. He shuffles his feet while Gordon sniffles miserably.

“Uh...hug?” Benrey asks abruptly, arms stiffly extended.

Gordon looks at him incredulously, backing away like Benrey is pointing a weapon at him,“What? No! Are you fucking kidding me?” 

“C’mon, you’re having like- emotions, right?”

Gordon gestures between them,“You and me- we’re not doing this. I’m not having a fucking feelings jam with you, man.”

“You’re such a homo, you can’t even accept a hug from your best bro, huh?”

Gordon looks like he’s been hit by a brick.

“What the fuck are you saying, how does that- you’re not- you’re saying I’m gay because I won’t hug you?”

“I mean why else would you be afraid of physical contact between bros unless you’re worried that you’re going to get some kind of massive homo boner.”

“Can you just leave me alone to have a mental breakdown in peace?”

“Wow. I can’t believe you’re too chicken to hug me.”

“Excuse me?” Gordon narrows his eyes. 

Benrey flaps his elbows, “bwak-buck buck buck,”

“Oh my god, grow up. That’s not going to work on me.” 

“Bu-GAWK!” Benrey crows.

This is stupid. This is absolutely childish and ridiculous but Gordon just wants Benrey to shut the fuck up. And maybe some physical contact aside from him resting an exasperated hand on someone’s shoulder might be good for him.

“Y’know what? Fuck it. Bring it in.”

Benrey seems shocked but recovers quickly. 

Gordon didn’t realize how short Benrey was until his helmet clacks against Gordon’s chestplate. 

He can’t feel much outside of his HEV suit but the weight of Benrey’s arms around him is pleasant. He can’t remember the last time he was hugged, even before this whole mess started. What the fuck. When exactly had his life become such a shambles?

Benrey pats his back awkwardly.

Gordon feels tears well up in his eyes. Oh no. He blinks hard and swallows. It’s too late. He really doesn’t want to be doing this. He’s started really crying now and he can’t stop. We’re talking full on sobbing, ugly crying. It’s bad. The dam containing all of his pent of stress and helplessness has broken and it’s too much. He’s not sure when his hands came up to clutch desperately at Benrey’s shoulders, but there they are and that's what they’re doing. Benrey is just as desperately trying not to seem super uncomfortable.

“Uh. Well you took this game of minor gay chicken to the next level, huh? Guess I gotta do something so I don’t lose.”

He starts rubbing gentle circles onto the back plating of Gordon’s suit, while humming. 

Gordon lets out a watery laugh, disengaging from the hug, “Yeah, that’s pretty fucking gay.” He leans against the blast doors and slides down to sit, tension seeping away.

He heaves a sigh, a strange peace settling over him. “Thanks. I really needed that, I think..”

“Uh, whatever. It ain’t no thing.” Benrey joins him on the ground. The hush of rain sits between them.

“Guess I won the whole gay chicken thing, huh?” Gordon says weakly.

Benrey gives him a look. “Yeah well, I’m upping the ante,” he says, and presses himself flush against Gordon’s side in what could loosely be called cuddling. 

“Oh my god.” 

“Yeah. High stakes. I’d understand if you want to back down like a little baby bitch or something.”

The contrast between his stress and this strange uncharacteristic camaraderie (plus the pleasant pressure of Benrey against his side) is overriding all of his thoughts and senses. Except for his competitive streak. Gordon thinks this is all horribly stupid but doesn’t want to lose to Benrey. ever. He laces his fingers with Benrey’s. 

Benrey’s hand is warm in his.

“Bro…”

“Shut up.” 

Benrey falls asleep resting his head on Gordon’s shoulder, so it’s a safe bet that he won this round. Damn. 

-

He’s not sure how he came to be caught up in this constant battle of bluffing and one-upmanship with Benrey but Gordon might be secretly enjoying it. Except for the time Benrey slapped his ass and the resounding clang alerts the entire science team, while Gordon flushes and Benrey clutches his sore hand, hissing in pain.

And then the betrayal happened.

-

Gordon readjusts to life in the real world by living off of his Black Mesa severance pay. The fine print in his contract neglected to mention any space-monster scenarios and HR no longer existed so he had no problems cashing that sweet, sweet check.

He spends his weekends with his son (for once he’s grateful for his light share of the joint custody). Joshua has no idea that anything otherworldly and deadly happened, and that’s the way it should be. Though he does ask once, “Daddy, is there something wrong with your hand?” when Gordon keeps startling at the existence of his own limb. Is there such a thing as reverse phantom limb syndrome?

On the weekdays he scrapes himself out of bed to try and reintegrate himself into daily human not-virtual life. It’s hard. He can’t help but reach out to the old Science Team. Something about living through horrifying trauma with others makes a deep bond grow between you. He knows them, they’re dependable. Even when they were glitching AI’s in a program they were dep- Ok no. They never have been and never will be dependable. But damn it, they’re all he has besides his son and distant family members so he’ll take what he can get. His options are limited. 

He and Tommy go for walks in the park and play frisbee with Sunkist. The dog is huge and also real, apparently. When he first met up with Tommy out of the game, he had ideas about what Sunkist would be like. When Tommy had said ‘Hi, Mr. Freeman! I’ll go get Sunkist, be right back! Oh, did you want a soda?” Gordon had plastered a weak smile on his face and said ‘no thanks, Tommy’, expecting the man to come back with a cardboard cutout with a printed jpeg of a dog taped to it. Sunkist is in fact, very real and very slobbery. 

“Oh, she remembers you! “ Tommy grins.

“Yeah, yeah I remember you too! Down girl.” Gordon tries to push the golden retriever away from his already slobbered-on face.

“Sunkist, let’s get your leash on so we can go for a walk!” 

Sunkist is immediately at attention, sitting at Tommy’s feet, looking the picture of a faithful dog. Tommy clips her leash to her collar and says, straightening, “I told you she’s the perfect dog!”

Gordon wipes the filmy drool from his face with a sleeve, “Yeah, uh-uh. Perfect. Sure.”

Tommy beams at him.

-

Gordon winces at the sound of shrieking tires pulling up outside his apartment building. He checks his watch and peeks out the window. There’s Bubby and Dr. Coomer. 20 minutes late and waving their labcoats in an attempt to put out the flaming wheels on Bubby’s car. Why do they still wear those things? Gordon supposes Bubby doesn’t know any better, being raised inside a fucking tube in Black Mesa but Dr. Coomer… Well he’s just Dr. Coomer.

Gordon sighs and grabs his keys, jingling down the steps to greet them. 

“Hello, G-”

“You’re late, Gordon! What the fuck!” complains Bubby.

Dr. Coomer starts again in his usual explanatory tone, “Gordon, it’s rude to keep friends waiting, even when it’s not in the midst of a digital apocalypse!”

“Y-” Gordon clutches the empty air, he throws his hands up, “You’re the ones who’re late here! Not me! I was waiting for you to pick me up! You said we were going for a drive in your new car, Bubby!”

The two old men exchange glances. “Well fuck,” says Bubby. 

“Traffic is a wily adversary, Gordon, I hope you understand.” Dr. Coomer beseeches, mustache wilting.

Gordon can’t look directly at such a muscular but pathetic display of geriatric remorse. “You don’t gotta pout, it’s fine!” he says between his fingers. 

“Well, let’s get going!”

They violate almost every traffic law, but Gordon is dropped off unharmed and they lost the police along the way, so he considers their offer of ‘let’s do this again soon!’

-

Gordon does, in fact, have a PlayStation 4. Initially he bought it for his son to play but he only sees Joshua on weekends and he doesn’t want it to gather dust. At least that’s what Gordon tells himself. 

He gets a friend request from an unknown gamer tag and guess who it fucking is? 

“Wh- Benrey? Is that really you? How are you alive? Where are you right now? Are you still in the simulation?” 

Benrey’s voice crackles over the headset, “Woah dude. I’m just trying to play some Peggle, I don’t need you to give me the fuckin’ third degree. Little nosy boy.” Gordon wants to punch him as much as ever. 

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you, Mr. sir-can-I-see-your-passport, this-way-sir-where-are-you-going-sir?”

“I was doing my job, what else was I supposed to do?”

“So you’re- are you in the remains of Black Mesa? Or in Xen?” 

“No, man. I’m in Santa Fe.” Benrey says like Gordon is an idiot. 

Well then.

“Oh. Huh. That’s actually not far from me.” 

“Bet. We work at the same place, dipshit.”

Gordon squints at the screen, “what kind of fucking gamer tag is ‘passportfucker69’?” 

“An awesome one. Do you want to get your Peggle 2 on or what?”

— 

So, he’s hanging out with Benrey today. That’s - It’s not that weird. Okay, it’s super weird. But they’ve been chatting via PSN and then texting and now they’re going to hang out and play video games. Like normal people. Normal human people. Gordon is still a little nervous even though he knows Benrey isn’t going to try to kill him or eat him or whatever. 

Gordon approaches Benrey’s house with some trepidation. He tries and fails not to be irked that he, a MIT doctorate-certified physicist lives in a two bedroom apartment (child support is a bitch) while Benrey, a security guard/what ever the fuck he is had an actual house. What the fuck? He can’t imagine Benrey interacting with normal people, let alone a realtor. 

Maybe it’s not a normal reality-adjacent house. Gordon takes a closer look, besides some pixelation on the front hedges and what looks like static in the second floor windows it looks relatively normal. Gordon pointedly ignores all that and knocks on the door. 

Gordon isn’t sure why he expected Benrey to be in full uniform, helmet and all. He supposes he hasn’t seen Benrey wearing anything else but Gordon can’t help but gape at the man opening the door. 

“Sup.” He looks surprising like an actual human man, wearing a meme shirt and sweatpants. He’s not wearing shoes or a helmet. 

“Your hair is black,” Gordon says dumbly. It’s a little surprising that Benrey is kind of decent looking (ok, he’s actually kind of hot but Gordon is not dealing with unpacking that right now) without that stupid security guard outfit. 

“Oh uh,” Benrey self consciously brushes his hair back, “yeah. Always has been. Guess you just never saw it, huh?” 

“Yeah…” Gordon is staring like a weirdo. 

“You coming in? Or are you just gonna stand there all day?”

-

“You’d better eat! Eat some meat!” crackles Benrey’s shitty tube TV. Why he had an old tv with every xbox and playstation to date was a mystery. At any rate, it adds to the XBox 360 charm of Dead or Alive 4.

Gordon wheezes, “What kind of win quote is that?”

“Dude, Bass is the fuckin’ man, don’t harsh on his dietary habits. He’s just tryin to spread the good word.”

“Uh-huh. You’d think a guy maining Bass Armstrong would sustain himself on anything besides energy drinks and energy drinks only.”

“My body is a temple, bro. I’m not going to sully it with anything other than the finest gamer fuel.” Benrey replies, taking a pointed sip of a concoction of Monster Rehab and Rockstar Recovery lemonades mixed with redbull. A combination that would make even Darnold cringe. The plastic Shrek Mcdonald’s cup only adds to the bizarre image. “You should play as someone besides Kurapika, he fuckin’ sucks.”

“His name is Elliot and you know it.”

“Uhhh My name is Gordon Freeman and I only play as anime bishies uhhhh I’m not a huge gaylord at all.” 

Gordon puts on his best flat Benrey impression, “Whuh- Uhhh I’m Benrey I’m such a straight gamer bro that I play as the shirtless meat man with his gut hanging out auhhhhhhh.”

“That auhhhh was pretty spot on,” Benrey says, looking over.

“I’ve heard it enough times.”

“Hmmm, you should play as Bayman, he can counter me and you might just be able to stand a chance.”

“Which one is he? Oh no, not that guy that looks for Forzen.”

They both put on a shitty French accent and say in unison, “ ‘Irate Gamer ripped off Angry Video Game Nerd!’ ”

They both laugh and Benrey says, “Jinx! Now you gotta play as Bayman.” Gordon sighs and picks the guy with the tacky beret in character select.

Gordon is pleasantly surprised to be beating Benrey at the game now. He’s pleasantly surprised in general how much he’s enjoying his time with Benrey, who had only been an antagonistic nuisance before. He glances to the side. Benrey is leaning forward, concentrating, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth. It would be cute if he wasn’t occasionally muttering things about Gordon’s sexuality. 

Just when it seems like Gordon has him on the ropes, Benrey firmly places his hand on Gordon’s knee and Gordon proceeds to splutter and drop his controller while Benrey finishes a combo and barely wins. 

“What the hell, man?”

Benrey smirks, withdrawing his hand. Gordon misses the warmth immediately. “What? A little bro PDA too much for you? Can’t handle your Buddy Benrey giving you a manly leg touch?”

“No, it just surprised me, is all!” 

Benrey leans back into the couch, smug, “Whatever you say, gaybo.”

They start up a new match and Gordon is still a little flustered and Benrey is taking full advantage of it. You know what? Two can play at this game. Not just the game of Dead or Alive 4. The shitty exploiting homoerotic sexual tension to win a video game game. 

Benrey literally jumps (physically and in game) when Gordon places a hand on his leg. He can’t help but laugh.

Benrey quickly gets himself under control and is landing combos again so Gordon slides his hand up until it’s resting on the firm muscle of Benrey’s mid thigh. 

“Oh my god, you cocksmoker!” 

“What?” Gordon quotes with a grin, putting on a monotone voice, “a little bro PDA too much for you?”

-

They play some Tekken and Benrey thrashes him with only one hand on the controller. His other hand curiously resting palm up, inviting. 

Benrey smirked at him, “bet you can’t even be worse than that playing with one hand.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah uhhh, you should hold me hand so I know you’re not going to cheat.” Benrey is idly bouncing his cursor on the character select screen but Gordon can see the fingers of his open hand twitching slightly. 

Gordon sighs, “ Ok. You know what? Fine.” 

Benrey rubs his thumb along Gordon’s knuckles.

Gordon loses terribly. 

What else is new?

—

They agree to go on a date. That’s about the gayest thing ever right? A mandate? Gordon suggests it and smugly bets that Benrey won’t be up to it. Like most things he assumes in his life, Gordon is wrong about that.

Intellectually he knows that there is nothing to be worried about. This is just some fake bluffing game, it’s not a real date. Gordon feels some (a lot of) mortification when he realizes that this is his first date he’s had in years, fake or not. It’s hard to date when you have a toddler and spend most nights passed out at your desk after running experiments all day, so sue him. 

Even so, he very much feels that he is Off His Game. He’s positive he’ll know more about dating than Benrey though, so that’s a plus.

He’s annoyed that Benrey got the upper hand, giving him a bouquet of purple hyacinths when Gordon greets him at the door to pick him up (Benrey doesn’t drive).

Gordon clumsily accepts the flowers then does a double take.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You can’t wear that on our date. On ANY date. What are you thinking?” Gordon demands. 

Benrey scoffs, “uh, my eat sleep Fortnite repeat shirt is in the wash, this is the best I got.plus you said to dress Olive Garden casual.” The shirt in question is a poorly screen printed atrocity 2 sizes too big with a Me Gusta face on it. The cracked print on the shirt only makes it more horrifying. 

“No! No to both of those shirts. Just-“ Gordon gestures at his polo and khaki’d form. He pointedly ignores the way Benrey drags his eyes up and down with Gordon’s gesture, “don’t you have anything like this?” 

“Nah, not really bro. Uhhh let me see, one sec.” he concentrates for a second, then snaps his fingers and in a glitch of particles, his outfit shifts and he’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt and shorts. 

Gordon jumps back in alarm, “what the f- what the fuck was that! How did you do that!?”

Benrey taps his temple, “How about you use your gigantic MIT brain, genius? I can turn 30 feet tall, it’s basic shit to change my clothes.” 

Gordon reels. 

“I thought that was just - the program! In the simulation! Or something having to do with Xen!”

“Nope” Benrey pops the P.

“Huh. Can you, can you still do that thing where you turn into a giant?”

Benry grins at him, “I’m not sure, wanna find out?” 

“Ehh, soft pass. Maybe another time when we won’t destroy your house and ruin our date clothes. We can find a field or something.”

-

They go to a decent burger place, called Burger Jones. Benrey waggles his eyebrows at Gordon when he orders something called ‘The Late Night BJ’. Gordon snorts and tries not to be obvious about playing footsie with Benrey under the table. 

“Yknow,” Benrey says, suppressing a shiver when Gordon slides his ankle between Benrey’s calves, “I have an idea where we can go after this.” 

“Oh yeah? Where?” Gordon asks. If it’s a shooting range he’s going to scream.

“Don’t worry about it. You’ll see. I’ll tell you how to get there.

Gordon quashes the suspicion that he’s going to be murdered in the woods.

-

Ok, maybe he’s actually going to get murdered in the woods. It’s very probable that he’s going to get murdered in the woods. Gordon tries valiantly not to worry about it as sounds of the distant city fade away. It’s a small consolation but Gordon knows that Benrey wouldn’t need to take him to a mysterious forest to get away with killing him anyways. So there’s that. Gordon doubts his own self preservation instincts.

The twigs of dark trees scrape past his windshield, the clattering sound grating. The dirt road isn’t doing the shocks in his old car any favors. Benrey is looking out the window nonchalantly. 

Turns out it’s a scenic overlook of their town, nestled between some trees. Benrey gives him a pointed look and Gordon turns off the car. Silence. Gordon can feel his palms beginning to sweat like he’s a kissless teenager on his first date. This is ridiculous, he’s a grown man. He has a kid for christ’s sake. Why is he so nervous that Benrey led him to what is inscribed into a nearby tree as ‘makeout pointe’? They’re both adults, there’s no need for him to be so nervous and jittery. Wait.

Gordon turns to look at him, “Benrey… How old are you?”

Benrey gives him a look like he’s stupid, “Wh- I’m thirty. What, are you checking to see if I’m jailbait or something?”

Gordon scowls, “No, I’m just- I had to check that you weren’t- like- a thousand year old eldritch being or something. That would be too weird for me.”

“Oh my god, you’re so lame. Such a lame little gay ass boring boy,” Benrey stretches, feigning a yawn. Oh no. He’s not doing _that_ is he? “So fuckin boring you’re making me tired.” He is. God damn it. Berey lets his arm fall behind Gordon’s shoulders, resting on the seat. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? I’m the lame one? And you just did the cliched stretch arm move?” Damn his gay heart for beating so fast.

Benrey shrugs with his head, “Not my fault your little Fisher Price gaymobile doesn’t have enough room for my guns,”

“Uh huh.” Gordon doesn’t point out that he’s taller than Benrey, that he himself has a larger armspan, yet he doesn’t have trouble. It’s not worth the effort and he’s pretty distracted right now anyway. 

Gordon is always surprised at how warm Benrey is. He knows that Benrey has a -comparatively- flesh and blood body. But Gordon still expects to run into cold static in the place where Benrey should be. He remembers the unsettling feeling that permeated his HEV suit when he would lay a hand on Benrey’s shoulder. He doesn’t like to think about how lonely that felt. He sighs and sinks into the touch, leaning against Benrey heavily. Benrey is a solid foot shorter but with the way he’s leaning over, Gordon is resting his head against benrey’s shoulder. 

The windows are cracked and the noise of bugs clicking and trees rustling is the only thing intruding on the quiet sounds of them each breathing. Gordon realizes that there’s more than one heartbeat ringing in his ears. He presses himself closer into Benrey’s side. That’s reassuring. He can’t tell if he’s more relieved that Benrey is as anxious as he is or the fact that he has a heartbeat at all. 

“Damn I guess I went too hard on the Mountain Dew game fuel today. Making my heart go crazy ” Benrey says, like he could tell Gordon noticed his racing heart, shifting a little.

The bug-laden silence continues, the air thick with tension. 

This feels far too intimate compared to their casual dares and teasing from before. Benrey’s fingers are resting on Gordon’s shoulder, idly tapping and a little sweaty. This feels different. This isn’t stolen time between gunfire while they taunt each other, this isn’t friends ribbing each other. Gordon has the sublime realization that This might be a genuine date. 

Gordon swallows thickly and Benrey must have heard him because he breathes a sharp puff of hair in through his nostrils. Gordon adjusts himself a bit, and slowly draws back to look at Benrey. Benrey is giving him his usual blank dead-eyed stare, but his jaw is working minutely. He’s nervous! Gordon wants to gloat and laugh at him but instead his eyes flick to Benrey’s lips and he leans in. Benrey’s eyes widen and he rushes in to meet Gordon. Their teeth clack painfully. 

“Fuck!”

“Damn Feetman, you suck at this!”

Gordon brushes his lip with a finger to see if he’s bleeding. He hadn’t noticed that Benrey’s teeth were somewhat pointed. “I suck at this? I suck at this?? I’m not the one who dove desperately to kiss me and mashed our face together”

Benrey reels back, aloof,“‘desperately’? That was all you bro, I was just chilling and you start macking on me like el presidente of the Benrey fanclub.”

“You are unbelievable, I can't-“

“Myeh myeh myeh” Benrey sticks his tongue out.

Gordon wheezes an incredulous laugh and reaches out, grabbing Benrey’s face. 

“Once again Feetman’s unbridled lust takes over his dumb college brain and he can’t control himself around m-“

Gordon is a scientist and it’s time to test a hypothesis. ‘If I kiss Benrey maybe he will shut up and be bearable for a while.’ After a still moment of their mouths pressed together, soft and yielding, both holding their breath. Gordon slides his mouth along Benrey’s and the other man parts his lips. Results inconclusive. Further testing is required. He presses in closer, Benrey’s hands clutching at his arms.

Gordon finds himself not minding Benrey’s characteristic lack of patience as a slimy tongue is thrust into his mouth. Gordon tilts his head.

Benrey, panting into Gordon’s mouth, grabs his hand and before Gordon can swoon at the prospect of Benrey sweetly holding his hand while they kiss, Benrey presses Gordon’s hand against the hardness between his legs. 

Gordon yanks his hand back, “what are you doing?”

“Getting my dick touched?”

While Gordon splutters at him, Benrey says, “c’mon, tell me you’re not feelin it.” He cups a warm hand over Gordon’s erection. Gordon shoves his arm away. 

“Ha! Knew it. Epic.”

Gordon hadn’t known it would be possible to flush harder than he already was, “It’s our first date!” He insists.

“Okay grandma, when you’re done clutching your pearls I have a currently softening cock with your name on it.” Benrey blinks, “ oh shit I could literally put your name on it - that’s hilarious, hang on a sec,”

“No no no no no! DO NOT do any reality bending things to tattoo my name on your dick, I am begging you!” 

Benrey pouts and opens his mouth

Gordon cuts him off, scowling, “I bet you were thinking it would be comic sans”

Benrey grins at him, “How’d you know!

“Never mind.” Gordon sighs.

“C’mon it’d be awesome, you can have one too, friend. Like best friend necklaces or something haha” he looks at Gordon appraisingly, “y'know, I should probably get a good look at it…”

“No thanks, Benrey. I’m really not feeling this.”

Benrey seems abashed under his blank facade, “Oh shit, uh, sorry.” He adjusts his beanie, “human. Boundaries. Stuff…I read about those. Weird shit.”

Gordon sighs, “it’s fine, just not now. Wait- You read about boundaries?” He asks incredulously.

“Wh- well, I guess. I didn’t know what dates were or uhhhh what they were like. So I did some google-fu y'know”

“Well damn, that’s kind of sweet.” Gordon fails to suppress a cheesy grin. 

“No it’s not, shut up.” 

“Let me guess, you played some dating sims, too?” 

“ a few,” Benrey grimaces, “there was this one really crazy one…”

They spend the car ride back talking about shitty visual novels.

Gordon kisses Benrey good night and drives away, trying and failing to stop smiling.

-

He’s not sure when it happened, it’s not like they’re Facebook official or anything. But Gordons pretty sure that he and Benrey are (in Dr. Coomer’s words) ‘going steady’. 

What in the goddamn. 

They have weekly dates, they hold hands, the whole shebang. They went to watch the hot air balloon races last week. If it wasn’t messing with Gordon’s sanity, this whole ‘relationship thing’ they had going would be kind of nice. 

‘Kind of’ being the keyword.

They go on a double date with Bubby and Dr. Coomer to a nice seafood place which goes well until Benrey and Bubby free all of the lobsters from the tank, causing mass hysteria, ruining Gordon’s dress shoes, and getting them banned from the establishment for life. They escape without having to pay the bill, which is nice. Score 1 for the science team. Gordon still fishes a decent tip out of his wallet and throws it at their server as they run away, lobsters in their arms.

Bubby getting emotional about the lobsters makes sense. He obviously sees himself in their beady-eyed faces, trapped behind glass, waiting for an uncertain fate. Gordon knows that Benrey just joined in to stir up trouble and to be a horrible bastard and Gordon tells him as much. Benrey calls him a whiny bitch boy and they turn to look at Coomer and Bubby when the two old men start chuckling.

Coomer smiles, “ah, young love!” He says looking wistfully at Bubby. 

Gordon and Benrey freeze. 

Benrey recovers first.

“Shut up!” He says petulantly, turning red like the lobsters squirming in his arms.

Gordon is just as red, he can feel his face burning. Those old men just don’t understand. Him and Benrey - they’re not like that. 

He can’t even imagine what _that_ would look like.

Stupid.

The two couples hold hands on the beach as they watch the emancipated crustaceans swim away. 

-

“No! You can’t meet my son!” 

Benrey groans dramatically, “Really? We’re like, fake gay dating right now. Why not?”

“Wh-We-You-You’ve killed people!” Gordon splutters. The fake gay dating bit is an issue he’s not touching today, or hopefully ever.

Benrey raises an accusatory eyebrow.

“No! No. You put that eyebrow down.” Gordon points at him, not having any part of this whole pot-kettle situation, “Those people were part of the military, they don’t count. And- And the scientists in the elevator- Well…” Gordon doesn’t have an excuse for that. 

Benrey perks up. “Oh yeah, niiiice.” 

“No! Not nice! Very not nice!”

“Exactly, very not nice. So I should be able to meet your kid, I mean if you’ve killed people, it’d be pretty hypocritical to not let me thrash him in Mario Kart because I’ve killed people too.”

“No. I’m putting my foot down on the one. Even if I did let you play games with Joshua, which I won’t, you’d have to let him win.”

“You are such a chode! Whatever, I’ll meet him eventually.”

Gordon frowns at him, “What? No!”

Benrey sighs, “we’ve been dating for-“

“-we’ve been together.” Gordon interjects.

“Whatever,” Benrey rolls his eyes, “we’ve been ‘together’ for what, months? What happens when you can’t get enough of my hog and we move in together or you man up and propose to me or something?”

Gordon is dumbstruck. 

“Well, Gordon? You gonna hide me in a closet or something on weekends?”

Gordon should really close his mouth soon before a bug flies in it or something.

Benrey realizes that Gordon is not responding, “that’s what humans do, right? Hello? Earth to Gordo.” He snaps his fingers in front of Gordon’s face. 

“Wh-you just- you- that’s- normally humans do that for- for convenience! If they already spend so much time together or are super committed or-“

“Uh-huh. Yeah bro, like you and me.”

“Well, yeah we spend a lot of time together, but-“

“Like when you’re always coming over to harp on me for not needing to eat so you make us dinner.” Benrey thinks for a minute, “oh and if Black Mesa reopens we can carpool to work.”

“Okay, first of all, I don’t think Black Mesa is reopening. ever. Why the fuck would they reopen? And second, that’s what people who are- who are in love.” 

Benrey places a hand over Gordon’s, a dumb smirk on his face, “like us?”

“Oh my god, knock it off!” Gordon pulls his hand back, scowling.

Benrey cackles at his reaction, “Ha! Besides, my place is way bigger than yours, your depressing bachelor pad is cramping my style.”

“It’s not depressing! I’m getting over a serious trauma, things have been hard okay? I told you that I’d do those dishes this weekend! And well, the neighborhoods not the best but it’s what I can afford right now. I mean, is your place is even real?”

Benrey gives him a look, “‘not even real’? That doesn’t make sense, bro.”

Gordon throws his hands up, “it’s-it’s glitchy!”

“In some parts. I’m an inhuman malfunctioning sentient AI, what do you want from me?”

“I don’t know! This is a lot, okay? I just- moving in together is a big step, I hadn’t really thought about it.”

Benrey grins a predatory smile, “what? Are you too chicken to move in with your best bro because you might actually fall in love or something? That sounds pretty gay, man. Little gay boy. It’s not a big deal or anything. Pals move in together all the time. It’s not like I want to you move in with me super bad or anything but you’re making a big deal out of it because you have a huge crush on me.”

“Oh, you don’t want me to move in with you or anything? You brought it up, you tsundere ass! You’re the one who won’t let it go!”

“It’s a logical progression when we hang out all the time. I’m just pushing it because you get so flustered and defensive and it’s funny and shit. Gonna start calling you Gay Panic Gordon.”

“Man, I’m not getting defensive!”

“You so are.”

“Shut up! You are! ‘Uhhh I just think it’s funny so I’m going to keep begging you to move into my Gamer Lair’.”

“I don’t know man, it seems more desperate when you’re trying to come at me because you’re embarrassed about being defensive.”

“You’re the one being defensive!”

“Nuh-Uh.” A witty repost from Benrey.

“Yuh-huh.” But Gordon has a strong rebuttal.

“Nuh-uh.” The thrilling debate between two masters of communication rages on. 

Gordon puts up a hand, “ok, this isn’t getting us anywhere. How about we shelve this conversation, I need to - think. Or something.”

Benrey puts on a mocking little voice, “‘I need to think with my big brain about how I’m going to play it cool when I’m brimming with thirst for m-“

“Let’s play some ps4.” Gordon interrupts in a stroke of strategic genius.

“You definitely know how to distract me.” Benrey already has a controller in his hand.

“I know.” Gordon sighs, grudgingly enjoying the way Benrey’s leg presses against his when they sit on the couch.

-

It’s not that he’s avoiding Benrey. Not at all. They still have their dates and they talk on the phone and text but Gordon is trying not to have a crisis about maybe falling in love with Benrey who he might also still hate a little bit and he just needs a little space. He is absolutely not finding the idea of them living together enticing at all. It’s a little upsetting how easy it is to imagine it. They take up plenty of each other’s lives and they could make it work if they both genuinely wanted to. 

That reminds Gordon that he’s not exactly sure where they stand with each other. He knows how he is feeling, but how much of Benrey’s words and actions are real, and how much of it is an act to antagonize Gordon? Benrey has been less annoying than he was, but is this like the betrayal? Is Benrey playing the long game?

Gordon is too afraid to ask. The thing is, he likes what they have going on between them. He could imagine a future with Benrey and the fact that it might just all be a game is too much. So he’s not going to ask or challenge Benrey on if it’s real or not. As long as he doesn’t get a firm answer, Gordon can pretend this is fine. It’s like Schroedinger’s heartbreak. Not knowing whether it’s real or fake is a relatively safe limbo in their weird orbit around one another.

There’s another horrifying possibility: what if _was_ real and Benrey actually was in love with him too? Then what?

Gordon doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to survive being mutually in love after his divorce. It might just destroy him. 

He takes up playing games in offline mode so Benrey (Who’s profile is in a perpetual state of Online) won’t notice how often he actually plays games. He can’t stand any more jokes about them having “gamer wedding” with a dorito cake and Mountain Dew fountain. He doesn’t need any help to imagine the horror. Little PS2 graphic 3D printed models of themselves on the cake, gaunt and blocky, with a fondant text box saying “GAME OVER”. The shame of his family and ex (who is still a good friend) attending. God, he can even picture Benrey asking people for their passports before they can enter the chapel. Wait, is Benrey even religious? They could have a wedding outside and dodge opportunities for Mario-themed Party City streamers and balloons. This is getting disgusting. He’s spent far too much time imagining him and Benrey having an awful wedding. He’s actually considering it and it’s terrifying. The idea is ridiculous. So ridiculous that it’s funny. Like the hilarious game they’ve been playing with the gay chicken stuff. Haha. It’s totally funny normal things that bros do. That’s the only reason Gordon has been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with blood shot eyes, his heart pounding, imagining Benrey looking into his eyes with that dumb smirk and saying ‘I do’. HI-FUCKING-LARIOUS! HAHA.

Gordon is not laughing. 

  


-

Gordon isn’t sleeping well. 

Well, Gordon isn’t sleeping.

The dreams of wedded bliss are too fucking much.

What is happening to him? 

-

They have a picnic. A fucking picnic. 

It’s nice.

It’s so goddamn nice, there’s a field of flowers and shit. It’s the most perfect sunny day, not a cloud in the sky. There’s a cool breeze caressing the trees. A literal goddamn butterfly lands on Benrey’s shoulder, then flutters away (uneaten, not that Gordon was worried or anything). What is the meaning of all this? They’re sitting on an honest to god checkered blanket. What is that Benrey is holding? A basket. A motherfucking basket. All wicker with a little clasp and a… a blue ribbon? Damn, that’s cute. Gordon tenses, what is Benrey reaching for? He’s never been so nice, shown such genuine warmth - there was that time with the betrayal and Gordon losing an arm due to Benrey - this must be a trap. That’s it! It’s all been a horrible manipulation and Gordon has been played like an electric fiddle at a steampunk festival. He grits his teeth in anticipation. What is Benrey pulling out? A gun? A lazer? A surgeon’s blade? Oh, it’s a sandwich. Cut diagonally. Just how Gordon likes his sandwiches. Huh.

“Yo, what’s your fuckin’ problem?”

Gordon jumps, “Huh?”

“Huh?” Benrey imitates in a little non- Gordon adjacent sounding voice, “You look terrified, like that piano in Mario 64 is coming at you or something.”

Gordon shudders, “24 years later that piano still haunts me.”

Benrey hands him the sandwich. “Yeah shit was scary. So what’s got you so spooked?”

Gordon used to accuse Benry of all sort of double-crossing and evil plotting. Loudly. Appealing to the Science Team to kill him. But now, with whatever it is that’s growing between them, he can’t quite be as honest as he used to be. 

“Oh just, remembering the simulation. Flashbacks. PTSD. human stuff.” He shrugs in a ‘what are you gonna do?’ type of gesture.

“That sucks,” Benrey says with the social grace of a diplomat.

“Yeah…” 

“Ring salaad?” 

Ring salad? Ring fucking salad? What the fuck.

“Oh, uh. Sure.” Gordon wonders if there’s a knife in the basket that he can use to cut this tension.

“Yeah we all Sonic oh six up in this bitch.”

Gordon shakes his head. Did he really think Benrey was going to up and kill him? Sure it seemed plausible before, even likely. Statistically likely! But he was different now. _They_ were different now. Gordon knows that deep down under the bullshit they’re tiptoeing across some sort of precipice. Teetering over the yawning casym of genuine romantic connection. Maybe Benrey was just too embarrassed after coming on too strong in that alien space after they entered the portal. Maybe he was hiding behind this gay chicken facade. Maybe he’s waiting for Gordon to make the first ‘real’ move in this awkward limbo of attachment. 

Benrey reaches inside the basket again, Gordon tenses. On reflex.

Benrey pulls out a small black box. 

“Yo, Gordon Feetm-Freeman. Whatever. Do you want to marry me?” 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY GET MARRIED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll add art to this chapter soon

“Huh?” Gordon says eloquently.

Benrey stares at him blankly for several moments. This is obviously not going the way he had planned it. “I asked if you wanted to marry me.” He replies before mumbling: “or some shit.” It’s as if Gordon has been transported into a romance novel with a suave prince. 

“Oh.” Gordon is dumbfounded. Benrey asked Gordon to marry him. Really? Seriously? Is this part of the gay chicken game? Or is it sincere? He honestly can’t tell. Gordon’s heart is racing. This could be Benrey playing the long game like with the betrayal, the man’s got a hell of a poker face. But he seems so nervous, like the answer really matters to him. It could be fake or it could be the real deal. Either way, Gordon slowly (too slowly judging by Benrey’s growing discomfort) realizes that he wants to say yes. He’s actually wanting to agree to marry Benrey. If it’s part of the game, there’s no way he’s losing here. His competitive streak won’t let him back down now. If it’s genuine, he can actually imagine a life together with Benrey. They could actually make it work. Gordon can’t help but break out into a wide grin.

Benrey hasn’t blinked. He hasn’t breathed -at this point, it’s debatable if he even needs to - he is visibly sweating, possibly due to nerves, possibly due to the beanie he’s wearing in the middle of Summer. It’s so silly and so absolutely Benrey. Gordon feels hopelessly charmed.

“Yes!” Gordon says, overcome with the emotion and trying not to cry because he is a grown man, god damn it and this might all be some kind of dare gone way too far. 

A beat.

“Whuh?” Benrey asks.

Gordon takes his hands, they’re clammy and shaking in his own. “I said yes. I’ll marry you Benrey.”

“Oh. Uh. Pog. Epic.” Benrey smiles a small, wobbly smile then leans in and kisses Gordon, a tentative brush of the lips that melts into something deeper and more heartfelt. 

The sun shines down around them and even without it, Gordon would have felt warm.

-

So...the engagement. The engagement with Benrey. Not the engagement of the gay chicken game but honest to god wedding bells engagement. That engagement. Of course that engagement, what other engagement could there be. The engagement is The Engagement.

They have a venue.

They have Taco Bell catering.

They have invitations.

They’re going fucking tuxedo/dress shopping. 

He can’t decide whether Benrey would look better in a tux or in a dress. Either would look amazing. Gordon can picture it now. Oh god, he is in deep.

Gordon is in his car, his face in his hands, ready to pick up Benrey so they can go shopping and Benrey is currently waiting in his driveway and staring unnervingly, waiting for Gordon’s panic to be over. Which doesn’t look to be any time soon.

Gordon rolls down the window, “just get in, I’m fine.”

“Have a nice spazz attack?” Benrey asks, sliding into the passenger seat. 

“Yeah, you know. The usual.”

“I don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Gordon asks.

“Know.”

Gordon flails his hands. “It’s- it’s an expression. Just-“

“Whuh?” Benrey asks.

Gordon scowls at him. “We have half an hour to get to the tailor for our appointment and it’s forty five minutes away. We don’t have time to argue semantics.”

“You can argue and drive at the same time, chief.” Benrey points out, looking at the stationary scenery of his yard from the car window. 

“I’m. You know what? Yeah. You’re right.” Gordon puts the car in reverse and backs out, “why do you always gotta wind me up, man?”

“I don’t know, it must not be that bad, though. Maybe you kinda like it. You’re the one marrying me.”

“You’re marrying me.”

“We’re marrying each other, bro.”

“Well maybe it’s kind of fun bickering. We’re like an old married couple already.”

Benrey makes a face, “gross. We’re so not like Coomer and Bubby.”

“No one is like Coomer and Bubby.” Gordon agrees, turning the wheel and resisting looking at Benrey’s stupid kissable and maddening face. 

Gordon couldn’t remember feeling like this with his ex. Sure, he had been in love. But it wasn’t the passionate, exciting kind. It had felt more like it was expected of him, what he was supposed to do not what his heart wanted. 

He was realizing that he really, truly wanted this. More than anything. The token doubt crept into his mind about the whole gay chicken debacle. He doesn't know where he stands, nor really. Could he really trust Benrey? He had been meaning to ask about The Betrayal for ages now. It wasn’t the best time to bring it up but he got angry thinking about it and it bubbled up to the surface. Better to get it out in the open now instead of after they were officially married.

“Why did you hand me over to those guards? The could have killed me, not just chopped my hand off.” He blurts before he can stop himself.

“Buh?” Asks Benrey.

“Back in-“ Gordon clears his throat. “Back in Black Mesa. When you betrayed me.”

Benrey looks at Gordon like he’s stupid. “Yo, You still hung up on that?” 

“Wh- yes I am! You tried to have me killed!” Gordon throws his hands up, then thinks better of it and puts them back at ten o'clock and two o’clock on the wheel. His fingers clench and unclench. 

His eyes are on the road but Gordon can almost physically feel Benrey rolling his eyes. “I didn’t think it would be a big deal or anything. It was just a game, bro.” 

“It wasn’t just a game, Benrey.” Gordon grits his teeth.

Benrey pointedly looks at Gordon’s still intact arm and goes so far as to lick it. He smacks his lips and goes, “Mm, still there.”

Gordon wipes Benrey’s spit on the other man’s arm. “Okay, I didn’t actually lose my arm, but it felt like I did. I just can’t get over the fact that you would betray me like that. I trust you now, y’know. But, I mean. It’s been bugging me.”

Benrey says simply, “yeah it was rude, I guess. But I didn’t think it would be a big deal or whatever. 

Wrong footed, Gordon says, “Well, it kind of was. A big deal.”

“I didn’t think it would be a thing, sorry.” Benrey states breezily.

Oh. Hm. Gordon has a hard time arguing with that.

Benrey continues, “I probably wouldn’t have done it if I knew you were going to make a big thing out of it.”

“I wish you hadn’t!” 

“I said I’m sorry!” Benrey huffs. “And we’ve been driving in the same roundabout for 5 minutes, are we going to do this stupid fitting thing or not?”

“Oh shit!” Gordon says and pulls off to check his GPS.

Benrey cackles at him. 

At least he apologized. Gordon realized that he hadn’t expected him to actually say he’s sorry. It means a lot to him. Maybe more than it should, considering Benrey’s flippant attitude. But still. He’ll pick his battles this time.

They drive in companionable banter and the fitting goes about as well as it can. Benrey stares open/mouthed at a poofy light blue dress and it’s Gordon’s turn to stare open-mouthed when Benrey tries it on. 

Lace cascades down the length of Benrey, framing his chest and hips, flaring out to pool elegantly at his feet. Matching blue gloves go up his arms. He flexes his fingers and twirls, the skirt fanning around him with a woosh.

“This’ll look awesome with my boots, vest and helmet.” Benrey says with a grin.

“I guess?” Gordon laughs. “Y’know what? Yeah. If that’s the ensemble you want for our big day, then I’m all for it. You’ll look amazing. Not that you don’t all the time. Even in your old me gusta face t-shirt.” 

“Bro.” Benrey makes a face that’s supposed to be a sneer but just ends up making him look like as much of a lovesick sap as he is. “That shirt is the finest article of clothing I own, don’t try to deny it. Consider yourself lucky that I’m not going to wear it on the altar.”

Gordon knows it’s cheesy but he can’t help it: he takes Benrey’s hands and says, “I do consider myself lucky. Extremely lucky.”

“Lame ass little lame boy.” Benrey stammers, fidgeting and swishing the dress distractedly. 

The fitting attendant tells them the price and Gordon doesn’t have the heart to tell Benrey no. He’ll need to do some serious budgeting later. At least he knows Benrey doesn’t mind ramen noodles. Benrey has him wrapped around his little finger, doesn’t he? 

-

“We have big news.” Gordon says, grinning and holding Benrey’s hand. They met up with the science team at a local park, where the older scientists were competing with Sunkist to see how many times they could catch a frisbee in their mouth. Tommy was throwing and keeping score. (Coomer was winning). 

The paused their heated competition when Gordon made the announcement that he has news.

“You’re getting married.” Bubby states in a bored voice.

“Congratulations, Gordon!” Coomer says, “and Benrey!”

“Thanks bro.” Benrey shrugs, gripping Gordon’s hand a little tighter.

“Wait, how’d you guys know?” Gordon asks, surprised.

“It’s kind of obvious. We’ve been waiting for the news for a while.” Tommy says with a smile and bringing them both in for a hug with his impressive arm span. 

“Oh” Gordon says, a little deflated.

“Uh,” says Benrey, a little embarrassed. 

“I mean, no duh you two are getting married.” Bubby chimes in and squeezes in the middle of the three of them, “and I am going to be catching that bouquet.”

Coomer joins the group hug, “Not if I do first, my dear!”

“It will- it would be the same result if either of you caught it.” Tommy points out.

“It’s about honor.” Bubby snarls. 

“It’s about beating Bubby.” Coomer says cheerfully. 

Gordon wheezes a laugh, “it’s not about either of those things! It’s just a silly tradition.” 

“Speaking of tradition,” says Benrey who had spent the past two days on Wikipedia without sleeping (it happens to all of us), “are you having a bachelor party, or what?”

“I completely forgot!” Gordon disengages from the pile of science team hugs to slap a hand over his face. “What should we even do? We don’t have much time!”

Coomer raises a finger,“According to my calculations, we have -“

“Nope!” Gordon cuts him off. “Don’t need a reminder, thanks bud.”

“Any time, Gordon!”

“Okay, okay. Bachelor party. Uh.” Gordon puts a hand on Benrey’s shoulder. “Thoughts?”

“Let’s go to an arcade. You’ll want to marry me on the spot as soon as I bust out my DDR moves.” 

Gordon removes his hand. “No, no arcades, especially none that have VR. I’d like to avoid having a massive panic attack, thanks.” 

“Let’s go clubbing!” Coomer suggests.

Gordon blinks, then says. “Why not?” It sounds like fun, and he can only imagine the shenanigans they’d all get up to. He’ll have to invite Darnold and Forzen, too.

Benrey shakes his head. “Hard pass. All the flashing lights and sounds make me go brrrrr. I’d rather stay home and game anyways. Not really my scene.”

“We can do something else.” Gordon states.

“Nah, I’ll stay home and game. Maybe watch Joshy. I’m not big on parties.” Benrey says, Chuck E Cheese was still a sore point for him, not that he would tell anyone that.

Gordon is conflicted. “Well, if you’re sure.” He says uneasily.

“Yeah, gaming or bust, bro.” Benrey says with the finality of a final smash fatality.

Well, that settles that.

-

“Are you ready? Are you sure you can handle this?” Gordon asks in solemn tones.

“He’s a three year old. Relax.” 

Gordon is positive that Benrey has no idea what he’s getting into. Has he ever even interacted with a child? No one has ever uttered the string of words ‘just a three year old’ and not been brought down by their own hubris in the face of such a worthy adversary. Gordon is slightly looking forward to Benrey having to eat his own words.

“Yo, little man.” Benrey offers some knuckles, which Joshua high fives. 

“Benny?”

Benrey looks up at Gordon from where he’s crouched on the floor, “You told him about me?” He says, a little startled.

Gordon huffs, “Man, of course I told him about you! You’re going to be his, uh. You’re going to be his…” no second thoughts now, Gordon. Keep talking. Oh god, why did you stop don’t make this weird you’ll chase him away. Fuck.

“Buh?” Benrey asks.

“His step-dad.” Gordon amends, “Do you want to be his step-dad? Um.” Gordon figured he should have asked about this sooner. It kind of comes along with marrying a single parent but does Benrey even know that?

Benrey shugs, then ruffles Joshua’s hair. “Sure, why not? I’m game.”

Joshua climbs into Benrey’s lap and sits down. “Benny, read a story!”

“It’s Benrey.” Benrey says flatly.

“Benny.” Joshua insists.

“Benrey.” Benrey says in the same tone.

“Benny.” Joshua nods.

Gordon stifles a laugh. 

“Ok, story… a story…” a game manual appears in his hand. He opens it up. “Press X to jump…”

Joshua stands up and jumps.

“Press square to run…’

Joshua runs in a circle. Benrey smiles, then pretends to read. “Press triangle to kick your dad in the shin.”

Joshu does so with gusto.

“Ow! Benrey!” Gordon says, clutching his leg. 

At least those two are getting along just fine. Who knew Benrey would be great with kids?

-

They move in together. Of course they do. It’s logical. It’s the natural progression of things. It’s also a large step in the midst of an even larger step. It doesn’t help that Benrey refuses to help Gordon move his stuff to Benrey’s place.

“Just have less shit. The hell is a crockpot? Throw that mess away. All we need is your PS5.” Benrey says, looking up from Heavenly Sword to watch Gordon struggle with a box labeled ‘fragile’. Benrey comments that Gordon and the box should have the same label. Heyo!

Gordon is happy to have more space but it would be a hell of a lot easier if Benrey helped him with his reality bending powers or something. Instead, he has the Science Team fucking around and dropping things left and right, lighting things on fire (Bubby), slobbering on things (Sunkist), and kicking boxes in an attempt to make them smaller (also Bubby). Tommy is certainly earning his pizza by carrying the most boxes and being the most efficient. Which, admittedly, isn’t saying much.

Benrey has a surprising amount of room that isn’t so surprising, taking into account that all he does is woo Gordon (his words) and game. Gordon brings up redecorating, to which Benrey shrugs and says, “knock yourself out. Mi bachelor pad es tu bachelor pad. Well, I guess neither of us are bachelors any more but, uh, whatever. You get the idea.”

Joshua will get his own room when he visits on weekends. 

It’s perfect. 

Benrey doesn’t take his heaps of Monster and Mountain Dew cans to the recycling enough and it’s perfect. 

For some horrendous reason, Benrey doesn’t have a washer and dryer - he says he doesn’t sweat and he can make his clothes clean magically so he doesn’t need them - and it’s perfect. Gordon can buy appliances later.

There’s a room, a perfect, nonsensical room next to the bedroom that doesn’t really exist and is only a haze of gray TV static when the door is opened. The static is visible from the window, and it’s perfect. 

Gordon hasn’t felt so strangely content yet alive in ages.

-

Gordon is more drunk than he should be but he is drinking as is appropriate at his own stag party when he gets a text. Tommy leans over to read it as Gordon starts spluttering.

“He’s letting Joshua stay up way past his bedtime!” Gordon takes an extra swig of his drink for good measure. 

“It’s your bachelor party, you-you shouldn’t be on your phone.” Tommy says thoughtfully.

“Yeah but! But!! He’s beating my son at Mario Kart. He’s not even letting my baby win!” Gordon whines, showing Tommy a video of Benrey getting first place while Joshua is driving backwards and flying off of Rainbow Road into the ether.

‘That is the HARDEST level what are you DOING?’ Gordon texts him.

‘pwning this n00b.’ Benrey replies immediately.

‘Do not call my son a noob or this wedding is off, do you understand me?’

‘hes literally new at life, hes a n00b. don’t be offended. neway hows ur bachelor thing’

‘Good. Fine. Forzen got kicked out and Darnold doesn’t want to leave him so they’re sitting outside.’

‘Lmaooo’

‘I miss you.’

Tommy leaves to go mingle and make sure Coomer and Bubby aren’t doing anything X rated on the dance floor. (Spoiler: they are). Tommy attempts to cover them with his lab coat to spare anyone their vision. It is a horrible failure.

Benrey texts back, ‘BBBBBBB miss u 2. go back to ur thing im gonna thrash your kid at CTR now.’ Gordon’s drunken heart soars but then he catches himself.

‘Don’t you dare pick the blimp level’

‘:)’

‘BENREY. I CAN SEE YOU TYPING SOMETHING SMUG. STOP.’

‘:)))))))))))))’

‘NO. NO BIG SMILEY TAKE IT BACK’

‘:)))))))))))))))))))))’

‘BENREY’

‘uwu’

Gordon spends the rest of the evening angrily texting Benrey and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Darnold comes back in for a drink but gets asked to leave by an insulted bartender and Coomer and Bubby are forcibly removed from the premises. Tommy leaves after them and so does Gordon.

Taxis are the order of the night and everyone somehow makes it home safely and -after a stern but gentle talking to from Darnold - well hydrated with coconut water. 

Gordon comes home, that’s weird, home. He’s not sure when he stopped second-guessing it or feeling like he didn’t properly live here. He’s well and truly home. He comes home to find his family asleep on the couch, the tv screen showing that Joshua got first place in the race. It’s the perfect picture. 

Gordon will admit it: he is in love.

-

Gordon is getting ready. Well, more accurately, he’s getting nowhere with the way his hands are shaking on his orange bow tie. 

“Let me.” Tommy says and adjusts it for him. Jesus. Why is he so nervous? It’s not- well okay. It is a big deal. But he’s tackled alien monstrosities and the entirety of the United States Army. Who thought wedding jitters would be this bad? He has nothing to be nervous about. He and Benrey are on the same page. They’re in this for real. 

Benrey.

He can be callous and a little cruel sometimes but he’s just got a one-track mind and is very persistent. Deep down, he can be sweet and shy sometimes and Gordon loves him with all of his heart. He gets flustered over little things and it warms Gordon when his aloof act gets shattered. He’s silly and plays stupid when he doesn’t want to own up to something. He acts childish and rude but deep down he really cares about Gordon too. He supports Gordon’s dream of leaving particle physics to be a streamer, he’s on board with helping to raise Joshua. They’re in it together. 

Gordon isn’t sure when all of this stopped being one big game of one-upsmanship, but somewhere along the line, they found a common ground of love and understanding. 

The fight, of course they fight. Gordon wouldn’t have it any other way. They both know how to push each other’s buttons and they bicker like their lives depend on it. But that’s just their love language. They both know that when it comes down to it - it doesn’t mean they’re angry - but arguing is how they communicate sometimes. Gordon knows that he loves a good fight and often he ends up exasperated as well as endeared when Benrey is being stubborn. They’re both persistent and hate to lose, it’s how their relationship started in the first place, after all. 

Sometimes a heart to heart can come from a villainous monologue. There’s no right or wrong way to do love. And they’re making it work. 

It’s true love and Gordon is read to seal the deal. 

Tommy finishes tying the bow tie and stands back with a grin. “L-looks good, Mr. Freeman.”

Gordon rests a hand on his shoulder. “Thanks, Tommy. I’m ready.”

-

They have a reservation at a gazebo and sea of folding chairs outside, surrounded by a large garden. It’s a bright, cloudless and sunny day. 

Sunkist is not only the world’s best dog, but it turns out she’s the world’s best ring bearer as well. She dons a serious expression and performs her duty with the utmost tail-wagging diligence. It brings a tear to Tommy’s eye as he stands as best man next to Benrey. 

Benrey is dressed in a traditional wedding dress with his nicest helmet and a lacy veil attached and Gordon loves him all the more for it.

Bubby takes to being the flower person with relish and violently throws petals into the faces of everyone in attendance. (Especially those who protest with the complaint that they have allergies. Sneezes rain down throughout everyone gathered.) 

“Isn’t he a romantic?” Commer says with a wink. Benrey and Gordon shudder and exchange disgusted, then giddy looks.

Gordon’s family seems confused, but that’s okay. This isn’t about them. Benrey already asked for their passports repeatedly (maybe it’s a nervous tick) so they’ve already had an initial dose of weirdness to set the par for the course of this wedding.

“Why is the priest wearing a lab coat?” Is passed between seats in hushed whispers. 

“Is that Mountain Dew in the fountain?”

Benrey hears that one and yells, “it’s gamer fuel.”

“My own blend!” Darnold leans from his seat into the aisle and chimes in with pride.

“It’s err, a lovely gift Darnold.” Gordon tries not to laugh. 

Dr. Coomer clears his throat and everyone quiets down, watching the ceremony with bemused confusion. Bemusion, if you will.

Gordon hasn’t been to a wedding in years but this seems surprisingly standard. Coomer says something about science. They exchange vows. Gordon’s head is spinning and he’s trying to focus on anything being said instead of Benrey’s shy smile. 

“Do you, Gordon, take Benrey to be your lawfully wedded husband? To honor him in sickness and in health?” 

Gordon’s heart feels like it will burst. He’s stopped the resonance cascade and saved the world, yet here he is swooning like a goon.

“I do.” He says with a sincere grin. 

“And do you, Benrey, take Gordon to be your lawfully wedded husband? To honor him in sickness and in health?” Coomer asks, holding a theoretical physics textbook instead of whatever book a priest holds.

Gordon is beaming, looking at Benrey expectantly with unveiled (ha) excitement.

“Uh, um.” Benrey stammers. Gordon’s heart swells with affection. He can’t wait to kiss Benrey and make it official. He loves when he can see Benrey’s casual facade falter to reveal that deep down he’s as lovestruck as Gordon is. 

Benrey’s eyes dart around. “Yo, I’m gonna tap out, man. This is too gay. You win.”

Gordon blinks, feeling like the floor dropped out from under his feet.

“What?” Maybe he misheard. 

“Y’know, the gay chicken thing. You win. I give. Good game, well played. Uhhhh. Bye.”

Benrey makes a run for it.

Oh.

Oh.

Gordon stands there, alone at the altar, gobsmacked. 

Forzen boos before Darnold elbows him. (“Darlin’ you boo after the ceremony, not during it.”) 

Wedding jitters were a thing right? Maybe it was just that and not that… the whole thing having been a sham. 

Oh god, was Gordon just that desperate? Had Benrey been making fun of him the whole time? Was that it? It was just some big joke that Gordon took to seriously and ended up falling in love? If it wasn’t real, how could he feel so heartbroken? 

A giant pixelated cursor appears out of the ether and hovers over Benrey as he retreats hastily. He stares at it dumbly. It descends and picks Benrey up and places him a few steps away from the altar.

Gordon stares at Benrey, who looks close to tears himself.

Benrey stammers, “I’m sorry, I guess. I’m- it’s just. This is embarrassing, bro. I was genuinely flirting with you the whole time. But I wasn’t gonna let you backpedal first and gank my heart. So I ganked yours first. So yeah.”

Gordon tries not to scream, “you’re gang killing my heart? At our wedding??? What is wrong with you?”

“I panicked okay?” Benrey bites back defensively. 

“I don’t care if you panicked, get back here!” Gordon blinked. And then blinked hard several times. “Unless you don’t- you don’t really want to. That’s- That’s fine. If you don’t feel the same way about me.” He hopes his glasses obscure the tears that are threatening to fall from his eyes. 

“I do!” Benrey says emphatically. 

Coomer takes this as his cue. “I now pronounce you-“

“Not now!” Gordon throws his hands up. 

“I mean, uh. Bro.” Benrey mutters, stepping back into the altar and pulling Gordon’s hands down with his own.

Tommy, lovely Tommy, loudly slurps soda through his Black Mesa standard issue silly straw™. Bless him. 

“I meant everything I said. I really do want to marry you. Even if it is super homo.”

“It is pretty homo to marry another dude.” Gordon agrees, hope rising in his heart. 

“Get on with it!” Shouts Bubby as he throws flower petals at them for good measure. 

Coomer announces, “unless anyone has any objections-“

“Coomer!” Both Gordon and Benrey yell.

“I now pronounce you husband and AI. You may now kiss the groom!” 

Benrey looks into Gordon’s eyes and smiles, leaning forward and kissing him. Gordon pulls his arms around Benrey’s shoulders and kisses him back tenderly. Their hearts race against each other, chest to chest.

Everyone except Forzen - who boos - cheers and Bubby throws flower petals like he’s going for the gold. He mightily refrains from lighting them on fire.

Hats and lab coats fly into the air with the petals and sunshine illuminates everyone’s smiling faces. Gordon and Benrey walk down the aisle hand in hand, grinning together into happily ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! My roommate is the one to blame for benrey chickening out at the last minute, I had no idea where to take this and then they brought it up and I just HAD to. I’m pfeldspart on tumblr!

**Author's Note:**

> Purple hyacinths mean forgiveness :,)  
> PEGGLE 2! *does a little jump*  
> also I’ve been on a date at burger Jones and they actually have a meal called the late night bj. Also I’m literally so mad i county get the burger Jones logo to format in the fic I mean cmon the dude looks like a god damn half life anyways.  
> I have more hlvrai art at pfeldspart @tumblr  
> My main is pfeldspar


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